Choices and Changes

No pressure, Mom. Our lives just depend on your choices.

I should have been really blissed out and happy.

It was a few weeks after our son's birth, and all five of us were all piled up in bed, watching the baby as the sun cast dramatic beams of light through the autumn leaves outside our window while our cats played at our feet.

A beautiful weekend morning of domestic harmony.

Yet I was feeling anything but harmonious.

The day before, I had received two completely random emails from colleagues of mine. Both were notifying me of job opportunities within their organizations for which they felt I'd be qualified. 

One of them was an opportunity in Germany. The other was an opportunity in Cincinnati.

It was completely ridiculous. What were the chances of these two jobs just randomly opening up in our hometowns? It was flattering that my friends thought to contact me, but it also forced Martin and me to take a really cold, hard look at ourselves and our situation, and ask ourselves, are we happy? 

And most importantly, what do we want?


This started off a series of conversations, a lot of research, a lot of daydreaming, and a lot of figurative hand-wringing stretched over the course of several weeks. We reached out to trusted friends and family. Did we want to move back to Europe? Would it make sense to uproot our lives here in DC and move closer to family in Ohio? Did I want to return to work full-time in an office? Do I want to stop work all together and go back to school full time using my veteran benefits? Does Martin want to continue in banking? Should he go back to school full-time?

There were so many scenarios and factors to consider. A lot of soul-searching.

It always came back to: are we happy and what do we want?

As things were, my commute and office requirements changed after my maternity leave, requiring me to drive 80 minutes one way and back three times a week. Because of that, we had to pay childcare for three kids. Martin's management job at the bank was demanding more of his time and energy. I could barely keep on top of the household chores, and standards began to slide. (Lola thought we had a rabbit under her bed. Nope - a dust ball.)

The only day all five of us were together from sunrise to sundown was Sunday, and by that day, all of us were too exhausted to do anything. One weekend a month, I was gone for my Air Force Reserve duty. I hadn't been to our playgroup in a year, although I still made those Mommy Nights come hell or high water.

And while our jobs paid the bills, there was very little breathing room, even when I took on additional writing jobs and contract work.

Something had to give, but what?

Eventually, Martin and I determined we wanted to go back to what we wanted as newlyweds. Before we even seriously considered procreating, we agreed that when kids arrived, we wanted at least one parent home full-time for at least the first two years of life.

Martin did that with Miss C in Italy. I did that with Lola after leaving active duty. Now that Jaz was here, we wanted the same for him, but as things were, it wasn't going to happen unless one of us got a higher-paying job.

And we knew that meant me since my experience and skills could bring in a lot more than what Martin made at the bank. We decided to stick to the DC-area: Europe would have been too much of an uproot and the Ohio organization was put under a hiring freeze.

But those two job notifications from my colleagues gave me the confidence to apply for similar positions. I submitted my paperwork to get a new Air Force Reserve position at the Pentagon, and I took out my resume, blew the dust off and cast out my net to see if anything bit.

That's how Martin and I ended up with these new jobs.

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There is a buzz in the family now.

For the first time in years, we're going to have our all of our weekends together.

Except for Miss C's school hours, all three kids are going to be together most of the day. We're already daydreaming of the days when Martin and the kids can take the subway into the city and meet me for a picnic lunch on the Mall.

I'm so excited for my job, which is with an organization that takes care of people, and focuses on things like women's health, anti-bullying, and so many other issues close to my heart. I know I have a lot to offer there, and a lot to learn. There is a deep satisfaction, too, that the work is going to comfortably provide for my family, which will allow Martin to perform a job he loves with all his heart. As talented as he is with numbers, money and working with people, he's even more as a father and husband.

Best of all, it's our children who will reap the benefits.

I think we've made the right choice. I can't wait for what's in store.

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